Having children is a great thing. Having someone to call my child is very rewarding. Even God Almighty recognizes that children are great blessing. Psalm 127:3-4 reads “Children are heritage from God; an offspring a reward from Him. Blessed is the man or the person who has his quiver full of them…”
But, the big but is that many only want to focus on having children and not gauge what actually goes into the process.
Many couples seem to appreciate other people’s children, and they get this excitable feelings in their stomach or say the heart when they see babies. From watching other kids they get caught up in a web of tangle. Their colleagues and family members are having children, including the unmarried ones. When having babies become the preoccupation of the mind, there is so no room for analytical engagement of the whole process and the journey of being a biological parent. What to do and how to to do it, preparation towards becoming a parent, what emotional needs does a person has to meet to make the journey altogether enjoyable and less stressful to avoid premies, miscarriages, depression during pregnancy, anxiousness around safe and healthy pregnancy, and how to prepare for breastfeeding, baby care while taking care of yourself and prevention of baby blues, and “the what it takes” to be a successful parent, managing your marriage, looking for the right childcare while planing on returning to your job or business, who will be here to support you when the baby comes because believe it or not, you will need your “Me Moments” and “Us Alone Moments” where you will need help from others to care for your bundle of joy for sometime so you can spend some time with yourself and or with your spouse or others, bwho is going to be the main bread winner, helping in dealing with your partner’s own life challenges, job stress, managing your mental wellness through it all, and strategic planning around shared time between the infant, yourself and your spouse, and the list goes on.
All these crucial planning steps, and more, can all be forgotten or put under the phrase, “We will cross the bridge when we get there” or sufficient is the trouble for today. Let’s not worry about tomorrow, et cetera.
Even though it is good to not worry about tomorrow but lack of proper planing in childbearing can lead to unforeseen circumstances that can lend themselves into stressful and chaotic moments for couples to the point of wanting to be apart from each other even though they love each other, if no intervention is provided.
You also need to consider your role as a spouse, the care aspect of pregnancy and how to balance everything with pregnancy and parenthood before you embark on this journey. Most of the time, those wanting to have babies don’t care too much about duties and responsibilities associated with birthing, nursing, caring, nurturing and reading aspects of having babies.
Being and feeling lonely should not be the premise for warning to have a baby. You can have a dog for that.
All my friends and family members have children so I feel left out should not be the motivator either. That is competitiveness.
Feeling envious and jealous that others have and you don’t is not a good motivator either. Desire to have children because one you are ready and prepared by taking into accounts all that I have listed above. Below are some of the wrong reasons for having children. Don’t transfer your suffering to another. Both of you don’t deserve that.
All the wrong reasons for having babies:
My family think I’m getting too old and would pass childbearing age is not the reason either.
Your marriage is crumbling so you want to have a child to divert your attention and feed your emotions is another wrong reason to bring someone into your world of suffering.
My spouse says that the only way or reason they will remain in this relationship is if I have a child with them. Well, you should know that the whole childbearing things is going to be treated like a means to an end or a project which will at some point come to an end. That is not worth it either.
My parents in-law would appreciate me better if I have a child with their son or daughter is another negative motivation for giving birth to babies. You just end up pleasing them and serve as a sacrificial lamb for them, but end up deriving no pleasure in the child or children you bore. Most times, when you do something to please people rather than yourself, you become emotionally unattached and the effect of that is an inevitable disconnection between you and that pursuit. Likewise, giving birth to please someone or to use that as a bribery to please someone in the family or you are giving birth as a means to hold on to a relationship is going to come back and bite you. If you are not ready to give birth for your own reasons, then please don’t even think about it. Also, if you want to give birth and hand the child over for others to raise and care for then cancel this plan because you will soon realize that there is no true bond with your own child but the one who raised them.
If an arrangement is made by a loved one or a family member then be ready to persistently incorporate your good ideas and morals into the upbringing strategies on regular basis and monitor the progress of your child, regardless of how busy you are so you are not taken aback by foreseeable and preventable circumstances.
The takeaway: If you want to give birth to babies, endeavour to make sure that you meet all the requirements for being ready, prepared and ensure that you are setting yourself for success and not failure. If you are stuck on how to determine that you are ready to take on this journey, simply email us at email@example.com or call 604.630.7242 or simply book your session online by clicking here. You must understand that there are more to childbearing that what you are reading in this article. Book your session for more.